i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
farters have to be the big spoon...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
