Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
