at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
how do you play pong handcuffed?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
