He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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