VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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