She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
