I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize