you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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