Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
