I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
