just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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