I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
