Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
