you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
