I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
