yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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