Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
