Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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