is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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