Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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