I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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