He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
