Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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