no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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