Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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