I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
