sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
