That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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