i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
