Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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