can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
