Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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