I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
and you said cock pushups were impossible
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
