Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
