In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize