mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
