forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
