Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
