I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
