he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
