The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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