That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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