umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize