I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
