so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize