im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
