i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
