I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
