Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
