I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
