i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
