the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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