Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
