That's when you crack a 10am beer
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
this just has baby written all over it
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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