I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
After tacos, we're chasing women.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize