fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
