bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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