you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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