me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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