I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
