Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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