So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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