she looked like the before picture.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
