I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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