That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
