I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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