He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
