lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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