I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
not ubering you a puppy
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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