i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
sarcasm needs its own font
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
