Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Found the puke drawer
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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