Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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