my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I have feelings that need drinking.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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