I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
