I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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