Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
no, he came in my armpit
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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