ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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