ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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