cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
