So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize