Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
